I know we have talked about this before, so I do apologize if our blog is being redundant, but it is something that I am just going to have to get off my chest – just in case there are others out there in the same situation.
KC and I finally got up enough nerves this week and the realization that we could travel anytime to Ethiopia (after we receive our court date, which could also be any day), and we don’t have enough money on hand to pay for our plane tickets there and back. I am not sure if any of you others in the adoption world have been faced with situations like that, but it isn’t necessarily a good feeling. So we have thought, prayed, thought, and prayed about what we should do about this ‘minor’ situation and it became very clear. For several weeks we have had some close friends, coworkers, wonderful case workers who are connected with our adoption and others who are or have adopted encourage us to send out letters to people we know asking them for donations. Right away I was thinking, “Now way. Are you serious? Do you know what people will say about us if we do that? Asking for money? Really? We don’t do that. We can’t do that. This is something that we have decided to do and we will figure out a way for us to handle it.” Man was I wrong.
Well, after I finally got the macho ego out of the way, my wonderful wife, who through the entire ego trip never told me I was wrong, instead just prayed, sat down beside me the other night on the couch and told me that it didn’t make me any less of a father or husband if I couldn’t afford to do this all by myself. It was a real eye opener that I have finally been faced with something like this in my life and I can’t ‘fix’ it. All I could think was, “this really stinks.” For those of you who haven’t picked up on it yet, I am a 26 year old, very determined (my wife calls it hard headed) prideful person. It isn’t the best trait to have, but it is a difficult one to overcome as well. We actually talked about this in our small group (aka Sunday school class) last night. About the different traits that spouses have, and I said that I was a problem solver – that’s what I do, but I can’t fix this one.
A few days ago a very good friend of mine who has been really just a sounding board for me to lash out at or discuss issues with or just ask to pray for me during this process emailed me this – “Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. —1 Peter 5:5-7“ That’s all that was in the email. It wasn’t a – Hey man I’m think about you, or I saw this and thought you might find it helpful – instead it was just the verse, nothing more. I opened it up and a peace just came over me about the entire situation. Then I felt really stupid. Would I really be so prideful that I would not ask for help from people who care about us to bring Zoe home? It isn’t like I am asking them to pay off my house or car, instead I am asking for assistance to travel to go meet and to go bring home my daughter.
So yesterday a couple dozen letters went out in the mail to some people that KC and I have been blessed enough to encounter in our lives asking them to help us raise enough money to bring Zoe home. I did it. It’s done. I have put myself out there. I have stepped outside of that “comfort zone” that we all have heard of so many times in Sunday school and on youth trips growing up. I have shown my underbelly and I am now vulnerable to comments about it or to ridicule from people who may hear about us doing that and not agree with it, but I am okay with that. Tuesday afternoon before we put the letters with my bag so I could carry them to the post office the next morning when I left for work, KC and I called Trey and Abbey who have been such amazing friends, just like the rest of our small group, through this journey, and we asked Trey to pray over the letters for us. They are currently in California because Trey is in school again and he is out there for some classes, but they didn’t hesitate to say yes and do it. So we put KC’s phone on speaker phone, sat it on top of the letters, KC and I held hands and Trey prayed one of the most awesome prayers I have ever heard him say. So we know that something good will come out of this. We have opened ourselves up to God completely. We have let go of everything that we have been holding back and we are putting, not just 95% faith in him and letting us handle the rest, we are putting it all – 100 % - into him and we know he will make things happen.
So if you are out there and this is something that you are dealing with or wondering if it is the right thing to do, trust me, from someone who is a control freak who can’t help but micromanage everything, just let it go and give it ALL to God – you wont regret it.
Update on ZG: We are still patiently waiting for the news of when we will go to court, but we will definitely let everyone know when we finally get it!
Until later – keep the faith.
-j.w. godwin
No comments:
Post a Comment